I'll Say Goodbye For The Two Of Us
by midnight-cat
Summary: Misaki decides to leave Usagi-san, not wanting to become a burden to the older man. When he finds out about a study abroad program, he applies for it. This will mean a year away from Usagi-san. But will he just let him go without a fight? UsaxMisa
1. Chapter 1

_Here we are for my first ever Junjou Romantica fanfic! Needless to say I got hooked on it after seeing the anime and reading the manga. *sigh* I am definitely one broke otaku! I always wondered what would happen if the plot deviated a little from what we know and love. Fans of my Gravitation stories know that I like to do this a lot. This takes place after the awards party at the Imperial Hotel in Vol. 6. Hopefully, I've kept the characters __**in**__ character and not done too many wacky things with them. As always, reviews are appreciated! I want to know what you think of my story!_

_**Update:**__ I've gone back and changed some parts of this chapter. It was first brought to my attention by a reviewer and then I looked back over the chapter myself. I made it just a __**little **__too easy for Misaki there. So just let me give it a quick fix and I'll have Chapter 2 uploaded for you soon! Hopefully anyway…_

_**Disclaimer:**__ I don't own the characters of Junjou Romantica. All characters are copyright to Shungiku Nakamura. No profit is being made from the writing of this story._

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_**You know it's love when all you want is that person to be happy; even if you're not part of their happiness. – Jean Zheng**_

_Please realize_

_how hard it is to do this._

_I'm trying to make it through this._

_Say good-bye just as gently as I can._

_Please try and understand._

_This time just wasn't the time for us._

_We knew I couldn't stay._

_But that don't make it easier to leave you._

_So while I can find the strength…_

_I'll say good-bye for the two of us._

Takahashi Misaki stared out the window blankly, his green eyes not really seeing the scenery before him. Inside he was full of conflicting emotions about what he should do. He knew what he _wanted_ but it looked as though he couldn't have it. The last thing he wanted to be was a burden…just the thought made his heart clench in pain. Too many people had already hammered the idea into his head that that's what he would eventually become to Usagi-san. And when he thought about it, he didn't really fit into Usagi-san's world. The party at the Imperial Hotel had made him realize the bitter fact. The idea was ludicrous really when you thought about it. A 19-year-old college student in a relationship with a 29-year-old famous author – add in the fact that both were males and you had a nice, juicy scandal right there. He could practically hear the vultures salivating over the soon-to-be remains of Usagi-san's career if that were ever found out.

And the more he thought about it, though it was painful, he knew that he couldn't let Usagi-san risk everything just for him. He wouldn't be that selfish. If anything was to be sacrificed, it would be him. His decision had been made the night after his confrontation with both Isaka-san and Haruhiko-san. Somehow, he'd find either a place for himself or take his brother's past offer of living with him and his sister-in-law, though he was reluctant to go with that decision. His brother deserved the right to have his own life apart from his younger brother. Luck was on his side when Aikawa-san had forced an impromptu book signing tour on Usagi-san. It made sense to her seeing as how he'd recently won the Kikukawa award. Naturally, the author had argued over going, but Aikawa-san had gotten her way eventually with the help of Misaki. So this gave him some breathing space to look around for a new home.

Glancing quickly at his watch, he realized that in his daydreaming state he'd lost all track of time. If he didn't hurry, he'd be late for class. Grabbing his bag and stepping into his shoes, he ran out of the apartment, locking the door behind him. As he made his way to the university, he idly wondered if divine intervention really existed. If it did, then great! That would just make things easier for him in the long run. Taking his usual seat next to Sumi-senpai, he tried to focus his thoughts on his class rather than the situations awaiting him back at the apartment. Feeling a poke on the side of his arm, he looked over to his right to see Sumi-senpai staring intently at him. Apparently he'd zoned out again and his friend had been trying to get his attention. "Sorry about that, Sumi-senpai. I've just got a lot of things on my mind right now."

The older man watched as the younger of the two of them stammered out an apology. He looked a little run-down as though he hadn't had a decent night's sleep. "Is everything okay with Usami-sensei?" At Misaki's startled glance, he knew he'd hit the problem on the head. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I just thought that would be the obvious choice as to why you're so distracted." They still had a few minutes before Professor Miyagi came in, so he made an effort to clear the subject. "I heard they're recruiting people for the study abroad program. Apparently it's to our sister university in England."

Misaki's eyes widened as he listened. _Okay, maybe divine intervention does exist. But that still doesn't mean that I'd get picked for it._ "Oh, really? That sounds interesting." He didn't want to make his interest obviously known. It did seem cowardly to sneak out of town like that without telling anyone where he was going to. However, the thought didn't leave his mind even as class started. And the more he mulled it over, the more he kept convincing himself that it would be a temporary option, giving him enough time to sort things out. Misaki almost jumped out of his seat when he heard books being slammed shut as students gathered their belongings. Embarrassed to have daydreamed the entire class period away, he hurriedly gathered his own things. After saying a quick goodbye to his friend he took his usual route, his attention quickly distracted by a brightly colored flyer hanging on the bulletin board. With a jolt he realized that it was about the program Sumi-senpai had mentioned. Fingertips traced over the smooth page wistfully as their owner made his decision. After getting quick directions, he made his way to the required office. Knocking on the door, he waited for the reply to come in. An older-looking gentleman who appeared to be in his early 40s sat behind a large wooden desk piled high with paperwork and books. "Excuse me, Sasaki-sensei…I wanted to ask you about the study abroad program."

Grey eyes glanced up from the paper held in front of them to see a young student standing in front of his desk. The young man looked to be in his late teens with dark, spiky hair and green eyes. "May I please have your name?"

"It's Takahashi Misaki, sensei. I'm currently a freshman majoring in Economics."

Sasaki Chiko studied the young man carefully. He'd been the only one to apply so far for the program. Leaning back in his chair, he clasped his hands on his stomach. "And why do you wish to apply for this program, Takahashi-san? Normally we don't pick freshman students for this, usually deciding to send either junior or senior level students. But since you show such an interest in it, I could make an exception."

Misaki thought about how to answer the man's question. He couldn't exactly tell him the truth, now could he? Clearing his throat, he replied, "I wish to spend a year abroad learning about a new culture while focusing on my studies. My senpai told me about this opportunity and I thought it would be a good experience while I'm here at Mitsuhashi University."

Chiko nodded at the young man's answer. He had seemed frozen at first when Chiko had asked his question as though he had to think of a reason. There was another reason to his decision to apply, he suspected, enough years in education telling him that it was probably a personal matter. As long as the young man had the necessary requirements to apply, he really couldn't turn him down. It appeared that he knew he needed to focus on his studies, so hopefully his _personal_ situation would handle itself. "All right, Takahashi-san, you may apply for the program." Reaching into his desk drawer, he pulled out an application packet. "You need to complete and get the following forms: the study abroad application form, an official transcript from Mitsuhashi University, personal statement course selection worksheet, recommendation form, and application fee. Once your packet has been received, it will be reviewed. If you are accepted, you will receive notification within two to three weeks. That is when you will receive the acceptance packet, which you will fill out and return to us. We will also help you with any financial aid, housing matters, etc. Also, you will need to get a visa and passport, which we can help you with as well. Any questions?"

"No, Sasaki-sensei, everything is perfectly clear." _Aikawa-san mentioned that the tour could take up to two months. Will that give me enough time to get everything settled before Usagi-san comes back?_ His heart suddenly heavy, he bowed to the older man and left the office. Since his brother now lived nearby, he could visit him and tell him what he was planning. The only thing concerning him now was how to convince him _not_ to tell Usagi-san where Misaki was going to and for how long. Considering what had happened in the past when it concerned Misaki, the younger man knew what his older lover would do. Because he knew once Usagi-san had that information, he'd be heading there to bring Misaki back. And wouldn't that just go over _so_ well?

He made the train just as it was getting ready to leave, his chest heaving from his quick run to the station. Flopping down into a nearby seat, he sat his bag next to him. Zoning everyone out, he sat there silently, listening for his stop to be announced. A few minutes later, he found himself walking out of the station as he headed towards his brother's residence. Pasting a smile on his face, he raised his hand to the intercom and rang the bell. A few minutes later, the door opened and there stood his brother, surprise evident on his face at seeing his younger brother standing there. "Misaki! It's such a surprise to see you here! Come in!"

Misaki followed his brother into the apartment, his eyes taking in the homey touches that Manami had made to the room. His smile faltered for a minute as he recalled Usagi-san's words to him that day on the train. True the man hadn't a clue to how a family should act, but he had tried in his own way. Sitting down on the couch across from his brother, he rapidly tried to figure out what to say. "Nii-chan, there's something that I wanted to tell you. I've decided to participate in Mitsuhashi University's study abroad program."

Takahiro sat temporarily stunned at his younger brother's words. Then he smiled suddenly, reaching over to hug Misaki. "That's wonderful news, Misaki! Where will you be going?"

"It's to the university's sister school. I have to fill out all of the forms and wait to see if I've been accepted or not. If I am, they'll be able to help me with the financial costs, so you won't have to worry about that."

Takahiro beamed proudly at his younger brother. "This will be such a wonderful opportunity for you! Oh, does Usagi know about this?"

Misaki's smile faltered for a second before he regained control. "I've not really had a chance to speak with him. Aikawa-san's had him on a book tour for the last month. But I'll tell him, don't worry." He neglected to mention how Usagi-san would always call him every night to see how he was.

After saying his goodbyes and promising to keep his brother updated, Misaki walked back to the train station to catch a ride home. That word made his stomach tighten in knots. He didn't really have a home there, no matter how hard he wished it. Unlocking the apartment door, he made his way inside the silent abode, throwing his bag onto the couch along with the day's mail. There really wasn't much for him to do since he'd gotten all of his housework done before he'd left to go to school. Deciding to get a jump on his homework, he started pulling his books and papers out of his bag.

A few hours had passed with Misaki buried deeply in the writing of Assistant Professor Kamijo's essay when the phone rang, the shrill sound making him jump. Quickly rising from his seat, he ran to answer the phone, knowing who it would probably be. "Hai, Usami residence."

"Misaki, I tried to call earlier but you didn't answer your phone."

"I was visiting nii-chan, Usagi-san. You don't have to check up on me all hours of the day you know." His eyebrow visibly twitched at hearing Usagi-san tell him that he'd called him earlier in the day. Suspecting that there were a lot of missed calls, since he'd placed the phone on vibrate, he made a mental note to check before he went to bed. The older man could be irritating at times concerning his possessiveness towards Misaki. Some people might view it as sweet, but until they actually _lived_ it they wouldn't understand. At times it felt suffocating to Misaki and he couldn't help but wonder who was worse – Usagi-san or his own brother.

"I do it because I want to, Misaki. I love you."

_There he goes again! Honestly, does the man have __**any**__ shame?_ Flushing hotly, he replied, "Usagi-san! Quit saying that! It's embarrassing!"

A soft chuckle was heard over the phone. "Have you been all right, Misaki? Did you miss me while I'm gone? I've missed you."

"Everything's fine, Usagi-san – nothing's gone wrong. I've been perfectly fine. Don't worry about me so much."

"Be truthful, Misaki. You missed me, didn't you?"

"Usagi-san!"

More laughter this time…the man could be so incorrigible! "When I return, Misaki, we'll have a _proper_ reunion."

His face now shining a bright red, Misaki sputtered in response to what he'd just heard. "Hentai! How is poor Aikawa-san putting up with you?! Focus on your work, Usagi-san, and not me!"

_Don't think I meant to hurt you._

_I just did what we knew I had to._

_And all the time we knew…_

_The time was never right for us._

_Time to leave this love behind._

_I could never leave you baby,_

_if I saw you cry._

Upon hanging up after his conversation with Usagi-san, he remembered that he hadn't gotten to the laundry yet, reminding himself that he'd do it when he returned home. Now that his concentration was broken, he decided to go ahead and get it collected so he could do it in the morning. After gathering his clothing, he went to Usagi-san's room to collect any laundry he had. Opening the door, he could see a few articles of clothing lying on the bed. He was momentarily startled to once again see one of the man's blue, long-sleeved shirts. Memories revolved around this certain shirt and his face flamed at the remembrance. Shaking his head, he picked all of the clothing up and walked to the laundry room. Placing them in the basket, his hand shook as it came to the blue shirt. Muttering to himself, he placed it aside. Walking back to the living room with the shirt clutched in his hands, he seriously began to question what was happening to him. It was just a shirt for crying out loud! His fingers started involuntarily stroking the cotton material, the smoothness of the material soothing him. Bringing it up to his face, he could smell the comforting scent of his lover in its folds. Memorizing the scent, he knew that this would be his last chance to savor it.

Later that night as he turned in for the evening, he brought the shirt to bed with him, clutching it tightly to his chest as he lay in bed. It was a cheap substitute when he longed for the real thing. Tears slid from underneath closed lids as he fell asleep to that familiar scent.

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Well, this is going to turn interesting, isn't it? I just had to implement the blue shirt from volume 2 of the manga in here. Poor Usagi-san…looks like he's not going to get his reunion. Not yet, anyway.

Chapter Two Preview: With Misaki finally making his decision, how will he cope with leaving everything behind? Can he really just say goodbye to his lover? Or will he begin to regret his decision?

Song used in this chapter: _I'll Say Goodbye For The Two Of Us_ – Expose


	2. AN

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Well, where to begin? My week has been horrendous so far. First, on Monday, my hard drive totally crashed. Meaning all of my story chapters and notes are gone. Fortunately, I had most of it backed up, but none of the newer stuff.

Then, on Tuesday, to add insult to injury, I was involved in a car wreck. We were totally sideswiped on the way into work. The car is totaled and I've got contusions and burns from where the seatbelt caught me. My mom, who was driving, totally shattered her right knee. They're still not sure when she'll be released from the hospital and she won't be able to drive for a year at least.

Needless to say, I'm not sure when I'll be able to work on my stories again. My education is going to be put on hold as well. I'll take this last class that I had already signed up for in the summer, but after that…well, it's a question mark.

Just wanted everyone to know!


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